I was a shepherd of sheep, and Thou didst raise me up to be a shepherd of men.
I found green pasture for the sheep, and they were content. I offer Thee as food to men, and many do not taste Thee.
My heart is clenched within me with sorrow, O my Lord, and my eyes cease not to be wet with tears, for many do not taste Thee, but seek food for themselves in the fields of hunger.
Not that way, my brothers, not that way. Those are fields of hunger, where you are going; you will increase your hunger. And in frenzied hunger you will rush upon one another, and devour one another, and your hunger you will not quench.
Sheep are fed with what is from God, but you are men for this reason: to be fed with God. If men will feed on the food of sheep, why then would God have created both men and sheep?
What is a sheep but grass — the food that it feeds on? But you are called to be gods; therefore God offers Himself to you as food.
O my Master, I kneel before Thee and beg for mercy. Faith has grown cold in Thy priests; therefore many men do not taste Thee. And Thy rich pasture stands scarcely touched. A good shepherd of sheep is not a good shepherd of men. Why didst Thou not leave me to be good in what is small, but set me to be bad in what is great?
Even when I was a shepherd of sheep, I was Thy priest. With my shepherd's staff I turned over every stone and every blade of grass, and I lay face down upon the earth and listened to the breathing of the earth, and I lay on my back and gazed upon the dread fires of heaven. And I touched with my forehead the dewy leaves on the mountain, and embraced with pity the tall firs torn open by thunder. And I read Thy name, written in fire across the whole earth, and I felt that every foot of ground beneath me burns and speaks: I am the altar of the Most High. And I filled all the meadows, and all the groves, and all my paths with wonder at Thy majesty. But when I grew up, I came to know, with a shudder beyond telling, that Thou art nearer to me still than I had sensed in the fields of my childhood. I came to know, O Lord, that I too am earth, in which Thou burnest and speakest. I came to know, O my Sovereign, that I am a stranger in my own self, and Thou the householder and master.
And this knowledge brought me to a horror that turned the marrow of my bones to ice. I said to myself: so it was not your own house you were defiling but another's? And not upon yourself were you drawing shame but upon another? And it was not yourself you were insulting but the householder in whose house you are a guest? And it was not at your own candle you flung mud but at a sun within you?
What baptism can wash away my shame before Thee? What repentance can efface my sin against Thee? Help me to destroy myself, to be no more, and to be born anew, as an infant without a past. Help me, O my Parent.
The idols of the heathen require of their priests a certain measure of wisdom. How much wisdom, then, is needed by a priest of the God of Life!
Idols require a certain measure of purity. How much sun-bright purity, then, is needed by him who serves the God above gods.
Idols require a certain measure of strength from their servants. With what strength, then, must a servant of the Almighty Ruler of All be girded?
O my Parent Most High, purify my life and make it a sacrifice upon Thy altar. When I was a shepherd of lambs, I wept when they were about to slaughter a lamb. Make me innocent as a lamb and burn me upon Thine altar. I swear to Thee, I will not weep, O my Lord and my God.